“As human beings we are sexual creators right? Isn’t it only natural to meet our needs just like when we are hungry we eat food, when we have sexual desire we need to meet it right? And how I meet that need doesn’t have the be the same way you meet that need. Just like you might be a vegetarian but I love giant cheeseburgers! For you sex might work best in marriage but for me it might work best with my girl friend if she’s around and porn if she isn’t, but who are you to try to make me do things your way?”
Though many of probably don’t agree with the comment above, our actions often communicate something very different. The topic of sex often has as much sin in its misuse as the condemnation that comes from those of us dealing with it ourselves or lacking the grace to help. But I wanted to share some thoughts to continue the conversations started from the past weekend at Church Online around having Moral Margin.
First, let me say as a man who has a battle with sexual addiction (I am not currently stuck in the sin, but if I learned anything from my friends in Celebrate Recovery; as soon as I think I am over it is the moment it has its most powerful potential to come back into my life) I can relate to the restlessness, feelings of failure and helplessness, shame and hypocritical living. I also know that just giving a lot of the right answers to those of you struggling in sexual sin isn’t all that helpful if you aren’t willing to recognize the need for help.
But secondly, and most importantly, I truly believe in a God who brings hope to the hopeless, help to us in times of need, is unwaveringly full of grace, and sees each of us as fully free to draw close to him and away from the sins that continue to bind us.
So, as I share realizations that have been key in my experience I don’t do so with condemnation or the expectation that the answers here can be a magic fix. Finding recovery is tough. But in my fight here are a couple of the things that helped me:
Sexual Sin is a heart issue:
For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting,” – Jesus (from the book of Mark 7:21 in the Bible)
If this struggle with sexual sin comes from our hearts, and we are falling into it, then something is amiss in our hearts. And for some of us we have had this sin dominating us for so long, and we’ve been ignoring it and justifying it so much that we’ve become numb. And not just numb to effect the sin is having on us and our families, but numb to the sound and presence of God’s voice in our lives. We’ve got to claim our hearts back if we are to change.
Purpose Faceoff:
“You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies.” – The Apostle Paul to an early church in Corinth (found in the Bible at 1 Corinthians 6:13)
Sex is good! But fulfilling sexual desire or being sexual is not our primary aim or purpose. Sexual desire is a part of us, but it isn’t all of us. When we fall into sexual sin we are submitting to a lesser purpose for our lives then what God sees for each of us. But when we draw close to God and his purpose for us, when are able to put him first, we see a different choice in the midst of temptation – a very real high road and low road.
Awesome – what do I do to fix it?
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” – The Apostle Paul to an early church in Corinth (found in the Bible at 1 Corinthians 6:18 – 20)
Honest moment, you can’t fix it.. alone. This will be a temptation to be prepared to battle all through life. And you know the drill, the places, the people, the websites, the times of day, the devices you have in place that are where you fall. Realizing you have a problem is a start, realizing you can’t fix it if nothing changes is a great step, understanding you can’t do this alone is the toughest (we’d all like to think the bootstrap and will power combo works right? How’s that working for ya?). Yes, you need to remove yourself from the things you know present the temptations. And yes, it will be extremely inconvenient because sinful behavior is based on convenience. It’s much more convenient for me to chose my own way then live by God’s, every time.
Final Word:
It is extremely likely for those of you dealing with sexual sin that most of this article hasn’t been new for you. Like for me, I could recite and write all of this information down from heart and yet I still would fall. What I hope is that seeing it again will strike a cord in your heart that you do have hope, that you can experience freedom. The how of that has been lead and done by people much more experienced than I am in recovery and I have included their information below. Both of these ministries can help you know the choices you need to make, and what a road to recovery looks like. But you still have to click and reach out, you still need to ask for help and say “Enough is enough!”
Like a lot of you I’m sure, this week’s message had me searching my heart and circumstances to see where we as a family can work in some more financial cushion to remove strain and stress. Craig highlighted the global pandemic of overspending and living beyond one’s means. Who wasn’t challenged by the stories of those living with less ‘stuff’, yet experiencing more peace and freedom than those who seemed to be ‘living the life’? At the same time, however, I was reminded how difficult it can be to incorporate these principles into the daily life of a commission based product pusher.
Are you a salesperson? Have you ever sat across the negotiating table thinking, “It’s probably not wise for these guys to go through with this transaction….but gosh I sure hope they do?” Do you find yourself wishing that clients who walk through the door have never heard the name Dave Ramsey? How can we champion the message of this week while using our craft to try to persuade people and companies to open up their wallets?
I have been involved in real estate sales for many years, from Virginia to Morocco to Egypt to Oklahoma. I have dealt with this internal struggle at various times along the way. There are a few questions I have come up with that help me as I try to navigate the sometimes murky waters of the sales world.
1). Do I genuinely believe in the product or service I’m selling? I remember talking to a friend who sold life insurance. He related to me how certain coverage was extremely more profitable to the company and the individual salesperson, yet offered less protection and security for the client. What do you do when what’s best for you may not be what’s best for your prospect? There are a number of endeavors which may be lucrative, but can you look at yourself in the mirror at 6:30pm? In your gut, your heart of hearts, do you feel good about what you’re asking others to purchase?
2). Do the fruits of my labor produce blessing in others’ lives? This is not an easy thing to measure, but I have found that the less I see other people benefiting from my work, the more likely it is that I need to shift focus. When I first started selling resort properties on the Mediterranean and Red Sea coasts, I had to ask myself this question. I took time and really examined all those affected by our efforts in real estate development and marketing. I met happy European clients who were thrilled to be able to vacation with their families for about 35% of the cost of spending their holiday in nearby Spain. Then there were the young British couples I worked with who were unable to purchase property in the UK because prices were so inflated. These mature newlyweds were investing for their futures in an up and coming market. Even more rewarding than this, though, was that the result of our sales was helping provide jobs for 100’s, if not 1,000’s of Egyptians and Moroccans. When other money producing ventures I’ve contemplated did not offer much promise of blessings to others, I just couldn’t bring myself to invest the time and energy.
Is your sales job providing for you at the expense of others…or to the benefit of others?
3). Does the company I’m working for respect my conviction to advise clients to make the wisest decision possible? Are you hounded to get the sale ‘at any cost’? How would your supervisor respond if she heard you say, “you know Mr. Client, taking your current financial situation into consideration, I’m just not sure if this is the right purchase for you right now.” Or, “if the only way for you to be able to pull the trigger on this deal is by taking out that type of a loan, I just can’t recommend it?”
I hope these questions are helpful. The answers to them are not always black and white. In the business world there exists much grey. Determining the best and most correct course of action in any given transaction can be more of an art than a science (Holy Spirit guide us). I welcome you to comment on the sample questions I’ve presented. Do you have some additional ones? What are some specific business scenarios which you’d like advice or prayer about? Jump into the discussion here below.
by Guest on January 21, 2010
This post was written by Dr. Kim Kimberling.
If you’d like to be a guest contributor, apply here.
Church Online is launching a new area of ministry in our attack on divorce. If your marriage is struggling or as a couple you are going through a hard time, this program may be just what God has for you. Over the past couple of months we have gathered together couples that have a desire to help others. These marriage mentors are just like you and have seen God do incredible things in their marriages. Their deepest desire is to have the opportunity to minister to others. The body of Christ known as the church has the awesome responsibility of helping each other in times on need. God works miracles through the work of the people. If your marriage needs help, don’t pass up this opportunity.
Here is how the marriage mentoring program will work. This is a 12-week program. You will meet weekly online with your mentor couple. Each week will focus on a different topic. There will be time for sharing, questions, and prayer. Your mentor couple will also be available to help you find resources for any special needs. These 12 weeks could change your marriage. To find out more info about being a mentor or being mentored, go to the Marriage Mentoring page.
Like so many, I have been blessed and challenged by Craig’s series on margin. I have experienced the negative consequences of running into challenges and realizing there is no margin in my life. I know firsthand how devastating it can be. You know what I’m talking about. You’re living on the edge, stressed, but somehow making it all work…and then a kid gets sick, or the tire goes flat. And the balls start dropping. The speeding train derails. The Dr. starts writing prescriptions (and not for the sick child). Again, I know, I’ve been there.
It’s been easy for me to find myself nodding my head as Craig is giving examples, or worse still, catching my wife looking at me with those ‘oh my gosh, that is so you’ eyes. Yet, while I’m attempting to figure out the adjustments I need to make in order to live life with that extra buffer of time and finances, etc., I’m facing an internal struggle. Can I still hustle? This word, seemingly resurrected from the 70’s during the past couple of years, has come to signify hard work, diligence, focus and tenacity. It represents that doggedness and grit that enables a person to go from merely dreaming to actually experiencing the reality of their dreams. I love that these concepts have been sort of re-branded in easy to tweet fashion. “Up early and ready to hustle like never before.” “A lot of obstacles and challenges facing me today, but I’m going to crush every single one of them.” That’s great stuff, especially in contrast to a plethora of examples of people who seem content to let life just happen to them, or lazily coast to fruitlessness.
But herein lies my dilemma. Do I have to choose one or the other? Or can I be a hustler with margin? Can I find that healthy place in life where one unexpected glitch isn’t going to cause a meltdown, while at the same dominating all my dreams and passions (or at the very least those which are inspired by God)? As God moves me to incorporate cushion into the formerly crammed areas of my life, does that mean I must check hustle at the door? What do you think? Please join in the discussion here below with your thoughts, opinions, examples or stories. But only if you have time.
Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/itzharfish/ / CC BY 2.0
