Dark Corners
All of us have blind spots, dark places and issues we like to keep “off the table” in our walk with Jesus. And we are really good a hiding it. Our pride, hurts, habits and struggles will stay with us precisely as long as we keep them to ourselves. All of us need help, to have someone jump in the tough issues with us, to call us out, and to cheer us on into becoming all that God sees in us. What we need is accountability…
I know that the word “accountability” can come with baggage from experiences in religious “malpractice” that have left us with a lot of guilt and not many answers. But an accountability relationship can be a source of tremendous freedom, encouragement and spiritual growth. Here are elements I believe are key to this pivotal relationship in the life of a follower of Jesus:
Trusted Relationships: We all have plenty of examples in our lives where we have learned it is much safer to make people earn trust in our relationships. But it is to easy to justify to ourselves the reasons to not trust people. We make the bar of trust so high we are able to keep our issues safely hidden. True accountability relationships happen where trust is given.
Vulnerable: It is very easy to be open, it is much different to be vulnerable. Many of us (me included) have no problem sharing some of our issues. But often they are our victory version of it where “This is something I used to deal with…” That is a great place to start, but an accountability relationship is where we not only lay it on the line, but we leave ourselves open to full examination. No question is “ridiculous”, no character or motivation is unquestionable, no rock unturned. Does this hurt? Yes. But it is impossible to perform this kind of “spiritual surgery” on ourselves without allowing someone access to the problem areas.
Focused Towards Growth: What we focus on increases. Ever buy a car and then suddenly that kind of make and model is everywhere? This same dynamic is just as true in an accountability relationship. If we only ever focus on the issues, as odd as it sounds, we can often start to struggle with them even more!! Instead focus on things like making that better decision, moving in love, spending time in prayer, deeper surrender, and intimacy with Jesus.
Two Way Street: To be effective and healthy an accountability relationship needs to be a two way street. This is why I believe accountability can happens best with someone you consider (and they consider) to be a peer in your life. It is great to have mentors in your life, and it is fantastic to mentor others. But for this accountability relationship there needs to be the commitment from everyone involved to the process of examination and encouragement.
All of these elements together (and more – if you have suggestions please share them in the comments below) create the accountability we need as we grow deeper in our relationship with Christ. If you don’t have this I would encourage you to seek out God in prayer – that he would help you see the opportunities in your life to start this kind of relationship. And if you do have this kind of relationship I would love it if you could share any helpful tips and suggestions on how you got started in the comments below:
Love the part about being "Focused On Growth." It's so easy to get swallowed up in our own confessions of sin and the guilt that can be a by-product of that. It's great to find a person (or people) in life that will remind you that there is no condemnation in Christ. To help you focus on forgiveness and the power of Christ, rather than your own imperfections, limitations and shortcomings. Powerful stuff.
Incredible article… I think we tend to back off of accountability out of fear, what our peers think of us, our spouse, our family, even God; which of course He knows everything. By digging into prayer and allowing God to open my heart and just being honest with Him (I have to do that for ME) I'm able to ease the pain and allow others to know and help me through my faults and sins. For me, writing it out ( for me to recognize for myself ) sharing with another ( for humility & accountability ) and ultimately, sharing with God ( for forgiveness ) … then I can go out and grow to be the man God has outlined for me.
Tony-there is really some food for thought there! Accountability, except to myself via journaling, and the Lord, in prayer is not a strong point in my walk. With the exception of family and LC relationships, and one close friend in Chicago, well, I am not especially "social". Admittedly, it could be a trust issue or maybe I'm just gettin' too old (s), I just don't get out that much except for work. My husband IS my best friend, tho. While he is not (yet) a believer, I do tell him my goals and dreams and hopes and even my spiritual dilemmas (sometimes) and he does keep me honest! I sometimes think it helps that he's not yet a believer also! I desire most of all for him to be saved and therefore, in the Lord's strength, try to be "Jesus" for him. While it may sound lame—it does make me accountable!
Tony, it is interesting that you just posted a blog about accountability. Most people don't know this, but when I wrote "Unlikely", Chapter 10 (The Importance of Accountability) was the first chapter I wrote. Why? Well, mainly because my accountability partner was instrumental in getting me on the straight and narrow and speaking truth into my life. God used him to transform my life. To have someone who will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you want to hear, can be extremely rewarding. Maintaining an openness to receive these truths and having a willingness to change WILL transform your life. It isn't easy, but it is so worth it. The road is narrow and there are few who find it. Get some help, find the narrow road and stay on it! God is good!